Two. Gratitude.

Please read this text like you would watch a dance where the end and beginning don’t exist, just the dancer’s or dancers’ continuous alignment with music only for the sake of experiencing the present moment as self-forgetfully as possible. Thus, like the dance, this text has a beginning and an end, but it will not offer any truths about how to best experience this life. I will merely try to use writing as a different way of dancing, because I feel writing is my most naturally occurring form of self-forgetful self-expression.

Honours/Excellence

Another thing I have to mention about finishing up my studies is the Honours College, which is an extra programme one can do in addition to the regular programme. Well, I did the Excellence programme, which is just half as much credits as the Honours College. But that’s not at all why I want to talk about it. I want to talk about what this programme gave me. And now I don’t know how to put it into words, because it’s obviously a mix of things. I will focus on one thing, one person. This person is prof. dr. Trudy Dehue. For a total of four seminar weeks, she presented us with different topics that are connected to academia.

Classification. We talked about how things are defined. What counts as a disorder? For example, what counts as ADHD, the topic I did my thesis about? How many people with ADHD symptoms existed before they were defined as having such a disorder? How many exist now? How did the definition change their lives?

Golden standard. We talked about how to test the efficacy and the safety of treatments. About the golden standard of research: randomized controlled trials (RCTs). For example, when you randomly assign 50 similar people into two groups of people, the experimental group and the control group. The experimental group gets somehow treated and the control group receives a placebo. If the treatment yields statistically significantly better results than the placebo then then that’s the treatment we should use. Right? What if the result is barely significant? Almost significant? What if researchers feel pressured to find positive results, because they were funded by the pharmaceutical company? In which situations do RCTs work and which ones do they not?

Pressures. We talked about societal pressures. The pressure to be smart. To be successful. To be healthy (“What do you mean you don’t do sports?”). To be modern (“You don’t have Facebook? Well, sorry that I didn’t know your birthday”). Etc. To be beautiful. “You guys are much more beautiful than me and my friends were at your age,” is what Trudy said herself. And finally, the recent pressure to be mindful. Because, I mean, with all these pressures to be smart, successful, healthy, modern, and beautiful, you should also make sure you take time to take care of your inner balance.

Academia. We talked about the pressures in academia. We talked about how when one gets further and further in the academic world the less they can focus on the scientist’s ultimate goal of revealing the truth and the more they have to focus on getting paid. Or how funding is received for the amount of publications you have, not how well you give on knowledge to future generations.

Prof. dr. Trudy Dehue crushed many of our ideals with every single one of her four seminars, but always put these ideals together again in the end. She gave us this awareness that we can try to use to make our fields of work a better place. She prepared us. If I would now end up in academia, I would know I have to stick up to my values every single day to keep them up. If I couldn’t get against the pressures to publish rather than to teach well… I know I would try my best.

Finished Honours/Excellence but still don't get what's going on

Thank you

Finally, the last thing related to university. My favourite thing. Teaching. I just loved it. Not that when me or my students would look back to the experience it would be just happiness and blissful satisfaction from learning or doing whatever exercises we did. But still, I felt that I was often at my best when I was in the role of an instructor. I felt that this role had a very powerful influence on how I behaved and how others perceived my behaviour. For example, many of my students thought that I’m a couple of years older than I actually was, despite my face being a legit babyface. Or that I felt more at ease with putting my opinion out there, because that was expected of me while in other situations I’d often hold myself back because I didn’t want to get in the way of the great thoughts of the great peers around me. Well, that depended on the peers. But I guess my thoughts weren’t that bad in general since my students kept on listening to me. And they also kept on sharing their thoughts and their personal experiences. Which I am grateful for from the bottom of my soul. To every person I’ve ever been an instructor to during the last two years – thank you!

And thank you again

I went to the Netherlands to study in the university. The last thing I had to do in the Netherlands wasn’t university. It was working. In the beginning of my second year of my Bachelor’s I started working almost every weekend on an island called Schiermonnikoog as an assistant cook in Hotel van der Werff. Now when I had finished everything for university, I still had to work for a couple of weeks on this island. Once again, while I rarely actually wanted to be there during weekends for work, now it became all so hard and sad to leave this place close to the end. Of course, it’s always because of the people there. Mainly Jelle and Paul, with whom we spent our evenings after work together doing nothing.

Card games in Amsterdam

Moonlit nights next to the Hobbit Hole

King's day love & chill

I just love this picture

King Kong sagt sein name nicht, at least in Bremen

Boat to Schiermonnikoog

Rain

"I work in a kitchen"

Getting a ride in Groningen

Nils organizing the group photo

Nils and our course smiling for the group photo

It’s about the people everywhere. The dancer of this writing ran out of swirling jumps and twists to finish off this part of the dance. I just want to say thank you again. And again. And again. To all the people I shared all of these moments during the last years. To the people I studied with. To the people I partied with. Played football with. Shared quiet evenings with. Shared moments during the library breaks. To my instructors. To the people I instructed. To my serotonergical friends. To my Teaching Skills group and subgroup. People I met in Honours College. People I met on Schiermonnikoog. To Nils and Marcel.

Ah, I know I didn’t mention everyone in these last two posts who deserve to be mentioned. Nor did I capture everything that deserves to be captured. But do we ever?

Do we ever capture everything of something?

Do we need to capture everything?

Do we want to?

I don’t think so.

But I do want to capture some moments from my last days in the Netherlands, so there’ll be two more posts coming about those soon.

I am extremely thankful,
for all these experiences, which I have more than a handful.
If you wish them well,
the Dutch will say “dank je wel!”

I appreciate it.
That through all of these experiences I made it.
The during moments where the edge was lived,
life had enough luck over for me to give.

I express my utter gratitude,
To the people – every girl, every dude.
When shared, joy becomes double.
When shared, you only have half the trouble.

Thank you, I appreciate it, and I express my utter gratitude.
And I’ll try to keep up with this grateful attitude.