Are the animals happy? Who knows.

Am I happy with this post? God damn it, no. It took a whole day to finally write my thoughts down about this situation. I reviewed a bunch of articles that I saved for myself over the past weeks, and read a bunch of them that I had not read before. The aim was to brilliantly combine all of this information and compile a comprehensive summary which I could look back to once this situation is over. Maybe it could even serve as an eye opener for a few of the readers? Who knows.

But nope, there’s just too much information and (mis)information out there, and I’m far from being the best person to clarify everything. So fuck it, I’ll keep it simple: instead of listing articles and commenting on them, I just wrote down my feelings and hyperlinked some articles to those feelings afterwards. Let’s go!

I felt that this virus won’t really affect me much.

I felt a bit more concerned when I heard that experts estimate 40-70% of the world to get it.

I still felt fairly unmoved, even if I could intellectually realize that millions of people could die based on those estimates. (28 million to be more precise, if we take a 0.9% death rate and expect 40% out of 7.8 billion people to get infected.)

I felt my old friend meaninglessness arise in me again when this situation seemed to illustrate the absurdity of life.

I felt that it’s not the worst virus if mainly old people are in danger (especially old men who are already sick), and yes, especially because older people tend to deny climate change more.

I felt struck by clarity when I read the first article by Tomas Pueyo: Act today or people will die.

I felt it brilliantly illustrated how deaths will accumulate if we let our health systems get overwhelmed.

I felt we need to act now to save as many people as we can.

I felt it’s the society’s responsibility to protect the more vulnerable ones among us, and yes, even the old people who deny climate change.

I felt I should send the article to my instructor of a mandatory class I had to attend that day – the day before the universities were shut down in the Netherlands by the way – and tell her I’m not coming, because I don’t want to contribute to spreading the virus.

I felt I need to spread the information to my friends, colleagues, and family, and to the media.

I felt worried for my family in Estonia.

I felt happy that they listened to me.

I felt proud when my grandma called me to say thank you for letting our relatives know that they should bring food to her, so she wouldn’t have to risk her health by leaving the house.

I felt I should get some food myself.

I felt frustrated because I thought the response of the Dutch government is not strong enough.

I felt that the Netherlands should’ve acted faster.

I felt doubt because people kept reminding me that the economy also has a strong impact on people’s lives.

I felt that the Dutch government put economy in front of people.

I felt even more so after I read Pueyo’s second article: The hammer and the dance.

I felt confirmed that stricter measures would enable us to save more lives, and that flattening the curve will also be beneficial to the economy.

I felt disappointed when I had disagreements about the topic with my girlfriend.

I felt joy after we managed to settle our disagreements.

I felt confused when people reacted with “Let’s not panic” instead of “Let’s act”.

I felt there are cultural reasons for this.

I felt that I can also learn how different types of people react to a crisis.

I felt that it’s nice to live in a country that doesn’t intervene much with the lives of it’s citizens during peace time.

I felt that the same approach doesn’t work very well during a crisis.

I felt like I should really do something to spread the message that more should be done.

I felt helpless.

I felt I should message and call more with friends and family.

I felt happy that I did.

I felt I should get some work done.

I felt little pressure do be productive.

I felt I just want to read some fiction.

I felt satisfaction from reading fiction.

I felt the whole world is in a mess anyway, so I can take it easy.

I felt sorry for my friends who were living in a caravan in Spain, but when the situation got serious had to get on the last flight to Vilnius and drive from there to Tallinn with a police escort.

I felt sad about Italy having to leave it’s people die in hallways, and about families there not being able to get their loved ones buried, because too many people are dying.

I felt angry at the Dutch scientist who called Italians dumb for locking their country down.

I felt even angrier when I saw an interview (english subtitles available) in which you could see gym douchebags (who obviously can’t go to the gym anymore) work out in groups at urban workout spots.

I felt smug when I could read from Pueyo’s third article that US cities which reacted more strictly to the 1918 Spanish flu were economically better off than the cities with less severe measures.

I felt surprised by how relaxed Sweden is.

I felt like shrugging my shoulders when I checked how many people die around the world each year (~60 million).

I felt uncertainty about how to express that I think this is just the first of a few global crises that are to come.

I felt we have to find solutions to our advancing climate crisis.

I felt it’s important that people notice how CO2 emissions have dropped dramatically during the corona crisis.

I felt we have to look out for our privacy to avoid losing our power to people that want to use the corona crisis to set up authoritarian surveillance states.

I felt uneasy when Hungary took a step towards authoritarianism.

I felt we have to make sure we redesign our economy in a way that turns around the 50 year trend of increasing wealth and income inequality.

I felt scared about Europe falling apart.

I felt that that war is upon us.

I felt more wars will come.

I felt uncertain about my future.

I felt that after this is over then China will have the rest of the world as its little bitch.

I felt like a little bitch when I had to do an a make-up assignment for the mandatory class I didn’t go to, whereas my friend who didn’t have to go a class from the same course a day later didn’t have to do anything.

I felt I should use the moment to buy some stocks (maybe Chinese ones?).

I felt I still want to continue studying, to learn Dutch, and to become a clinical psychologist in the Netherlands.

I felt inflexible during yoga.

I felt happy for trying it again after a few years.

I felt like eating bread and hummus.

I felt like I’ve had it with all of this shit when I stumbled on some conspiracy theories about the situation (this might also be useful Google), some of which led people to burning cellphone masts and abusing engineers.

I felt I could still appreciate the fact that thanks to this reality I have experienced emotions and thoughts which I’ve never experienced before.

I felt I should write these down on my blog.

And I did.

But you know what’s funny? Despite all these new experiences, the most eye-opening thing that happened to me within the last month is The Tiger King. If you think you have a good feeling for what kind of people exist in this world, and you haven’t watched The Tiger King yet, then you most certainly don’t.

“Are the animals happy? Who knows.”